An Army of One versus a Battalion of “It’s-All-About-Me”

Happy New Year everyone!

Okay, get ready for some all out, Grade A, prime kvetching. I’m on strike – for real. Wait, for legal reasons or at least the incessant guilt trips I’m sure I would hear, let me place the disclaimer. While this is in fact MY blog, I have always refrained from listing names to protect the innocent. HOWEVER, these are true stories so if the reader finds some eerie similarities to current events then either stop reading this thing or take it to the shrink and not me. I obviously wouldn’t be blogging about it if it didn’t bug me, and believe me, my shrink has heard it from me already. Share the wealth – keep a mental health professional in business. So here we go…

My first gripe is the person I’ll call the “One Upper.” You never have a conversation with a One Upper without him reporting on the better deal he got at the car dealership, or how much more busy she is, or in this case how much more pain he is suffering from ailments. For those of you that don’t know me well, let me explain a little bit here. When I am sick or injured, I’m kind of like an old dog. I just want to disappear under the front porch and not reappear until I’m better. I’m a private person and I just don’t complain about my ailments. Herein lies the problem. Talking to a particular One Upper about my back pain versus his knee pain always end ups up with this person in the throws of pain while mine is dismissed as a mere bump in which might warrant a band-aid. Of course my favorite part of the conversation came with the person informing me that she (I’m purposely changing gender pronouns to hide the identity – see? I’m fair.) was actually feeling okay and that the pain came-and-went but when informed that my pain had come to the point it was ever present, he immediately decided that his pain, too, was ever present and began to moan about how much pain she was in at the moment. Apparently that “come-and-go” pain is faster than Mario Andretti…

Neeext. This little portrayal is about the “Situation to Perspective Ratio Radar Challenged.” These people truly have no sense of gauging a situation by putting it into perspective. For this, I have two examples. The first happened a number of years ago and I can actually laugh about it now. The day after my brother died, I went to take oldest Christopher to preschool so I could go about taking care of necessary details. A co-worker came up to offer condolences but he took a turn into the annals of “It’s all about me”ness. After saying how sorry she was for my lost, he informed me that when he went out to get in the car to come to work, he noticed someone had keyed her car. After that and when he heard about my brother, “I new it was going to be a bad day,” he said. Actual quote, folks. The second was during my back surgery last week. I had to be there so early that someone (my caretaker as the hospital calls it) had to drop me off at the hospital, take the kids to school, and come back to spring me from the hospital. The surgery got a later start time than was anticipated and I was in more pain after the surgery requiring additional doses of morphine. Apparently, the time between the surgeon telling my caretaker the surgery was a success and the time in which the caretaker was called to get me was longer that the caretaker thought it should have taken and no one informed said caretaker. Also it was getting close to lunch and this particular caretaker becomes fussy and grouchy when hungry. Now here is where I have to jump in as the receiver of the surgery. If the caretaker was really worried about the patient, why wait and not inquire of the patient’s health and status? Mental note – go through the express surgery line – 10 or less procedures - so as not to take up so much of your caretaker’s precious time. Also when I actually got to be checked out, the caretaker had a plate of food that she had just received but hadn’t gotten to eat yet. Thus the caretaker was so grouchy all he wanted to do was leave and made it know by not really listen to the instructions the nurse was providing. Next mental note - bring food for caretaker because eating and having to wait are far more important that any surgery near the spine. I implore everyone reading this – make note, caretakers need to be handled with care. Their needs are FAR more important than any silly ol’ surgery you might be facing. Bring a lunchable!

The next foe we will be outlining here today is the “Ungrateful Whiner.” These people rely on you for EVERYTHING – food, shelter, clothing, entertainment, you name it – but have no sense of appreciation for what it entails to provide the above listed items. The majority of this group are comprised of readers’ off-springs, spouses, or other deadbeat relatives. For instance, no matter how many times you’ve told the ungrateful whiner of the plans you’ve made or the help you need around the house, the whiner is oblivious. The whiner will sit during the most chaotic of time or ignore any previous calendar events and forge ahead with her plans with the blinders similar to those worn by Secretariat in the Triple Crown. Regardless of what these creatures received for the most recent religious-based holiday, the moment they see something shiny that catches the eye, they just HAVE to have it. They NEED it. They will just DIE without it! It is actually amazing at the life span longevity of said whiner after that “I’ll just DIE without it!” moment. In fact, much like the cat with the mouse pinned under a paw, I like to remind them of their prolonged existence – “Oh sweetie, look –you’ve survived for FIVE more days than you anticipated after not getting _____! Mazel tov!

There’s a few others, the “Guilt Shifters” – the ones who feel guilty about some circumstance and feel the need to shift the blame in order to feel better about what they’ve missed. And we can’t forget the “Fakers” – the ones that pretend they are interested in you and your well-being until something really big comes up say, a medical emergency, and then all bets are off because they are spending the weekend at the lake with their boy/girl friend.

When I started this I was so angry by the barrage of the plethora of these personalities. Since then, I’ve mellowed. I’ve had back surgery, worked during my vacation, and dealt with non-medicated children. But as the holiday season comes to a lull (the season of Mardi Gras starts in 3 days!!!), I find that the new year is time for a change. I also saw my shrink today so that must have something to do with this diminishing anger, but I digress… You know, I have always been the “I am woman hear me roar” type, but as I have gotten older (I turned 40 this year – woohoo!), I’m starting to realize that priorities, whether mine or someone else’s, are not the be-all-end-all of life. My dear and wonderful mother, great mother-in-law Gayle, and friends have blessed me with a number of books on motherhood, love, and life. There are several quotes that resonate with me:
- To handle yourself, use your head. To handle your children, use your heart.
- A child may not inherit his parents’ talents, but he will absorb their values.
- As we get older, it’s amazing how wise our own parents become. AND, there’s nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years won’t cure.
- Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected!

I guess what I’ve found is the characters described here are all too common in our lives. After discussing this with several co-workers and friends, I’ve found that we all experience people that aren’t, well, nice. But it IS our job to be the better person, teach our children and those within our influence what it means to be sympathetic, empathetic, and kind. It is our job in the new year to make one of our resolutions be to teach a child what it means to care about another person and not just his or herself. After all, as humans that is not only what we signed up for but is expected of us. Happy New Year!

Alright, I apologize for this being such a long, drawn-out grousing session especially right after the holiday season, so I will leave you with a great joke that was sent to me today at work. Regardless of your political affiliation, this is just too funny not to pass along!

Subject: No Christmas in DC This Year

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol. A search for a Virgin continues. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

...and that's the way it is....